


Moonshine

by SpookyMoth



Category: Naruto
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyMoth/pseuds/SpookyMoth
Summary: They were most vulnerable in their sleep. Then when they had no control over their thoughts, the subconscious would bring out all the things that they kept so carefully closed up during the day.
Relationships: Nara Shikamaru/Temari
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Moonshine

_~*~*~*~_

_"My heart is basically a bunch of cracks and gaps. No… Maybe not gaps, exactly. It's like, my heart's so full of gaps there are no gaps at all."_

_Shikamaru Nara_

_(Shikamaru Hiden: A Cloud Drifting in the Silent Dark)_

~*~*~*~

_Her fan was so heavy._

_For two days she had hardly put it down and generated chakra continuously. She was more exhausted than ever in her life, but the war paid no attention to that. She couldn't take a break now._

_She had to go on, not thinking about how her comrades died around her. She had no choice but to raise her fan again and let her opponents fly, hoping to make a difference._

_But then she heard a scream that made her heart stop._

_"Shikamaru!"_

_She was too far away to see what had happened, but when she saw who was in Ino's arms and not moving, the world stood still._

Temari woke up with a pounding heart and a feeling of suffocation. Her eyes were wet with tears. The sweat clung to her skin. She grabbed her chest to make sure her heart didn't jump out of it right away.

Nightmares were nothing new to her. For a long time she had believed her life would be just that: an eternal nightmare.

Her mother's death, her father's cold heart, and her brother tormented by his own demons. It took her years to get rid of it, only to get new fodder for many more horror scenarios through the Akatsuki and the Fourth Shinobi War.

She felt with her hand to the side on which Shikamaru usually slept. She needed something to arrive in reality and nothing was better suited than the blissfully slumbering presence of her husband.

Instead, however, it reached into nothingness.

Her head turned to one side. The futon had definitely been used. The pillow and blanket were rumpled.

Apparently she wasn't the only one plagued by the ghosts of the past.

"Here," she said, handing Shikamaru a cup of tea.

He was sitting on the porch of their house, immersed in contemplation of the moon. He took the cup with a nod, but didn't look at it.

Too much lost in her own thoughts, she sat down next to him and pulled her scarf tighter around her shoulders. It was a cold October night. Much colder than ten years ago. Back when she couldn't even have guessed everything she had now.

She knew exactly what had driven him out of her bedroom. You didn't have to be a genius to know.

He was a shinobi like her. Memories haunted him too; memories that were so painful that no words could be found to express them.

They were most vulnerable in their sleep. Then when they had no control over their thoughts, the subconscious would bring out all the things that they kept so carefully closed up during the day.

"I used to like to look at the moon," he said hoarsely. "Before we all got pulled into that damn genjutsu."

He turned his face to her. His cheeks shone with the dried tears. He gave her a sad smile.

"The moon is still the same to me," she replied, taking a sip of tea. "But the shadows of the night are no longer like they used to be for me."

She saw him raise an eyebrow. She almost laughed. It was so absurd that she feared the dark; he lived in the shadows. He could manipulate them and make use of them.

He sighed.

"Sometimes I wish I could forget. Not thinkabout what was taken from me for a day."

She put her hand on his arm, with one hand he held the teacup tightly. The knuckles of his fingers protruded white.

"Then part of you would be missing, Shikamaru," she said softly. "All of our memories and experiences are what defines our personality. Through them, we were able to become the people we are today."

She released his hand from the cup and put it behind her so they could clasp their hands together. Shikamaru allowed it and returned her squeeze.

"You are probably right Temari. That doesn't make it any less painful, though." He ran his free hand through his hair. "How do you manage to deal with it?"

His eyes were almost pleading, as if she could give him the answers he needed so badly. She leaned over and put her hand on his cheek.

"I have you," she said simply. "Shikadai. My brothers. Konoha. Suna. When you are there, it hurts less. The pain is never completely gone, but because I know that I'm not alone with it, it helps me keep going."

She ran her thumb down his cheekbone.

"My heart is filled with so many new, happy memories. How we got married. The first time you took Shikadai in your arms. Kankuro's stunned face he helped his nephew learn to walk. Gaara building sandcastles with him. Shikadai's proud face when he manipulated his shadow for the first time. As long as I know that you will come home in the evening, I can live with it. "

Her words seemed to have an effect. He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. The tension disappeared from his body. All of a sudden he looked so tired.

"Thanks," he whispered and opened his eyes. He took her hand, which was still on his cheek, and pressed a kiss into her palm.

"You couldn't sleep either, did you?"

She shook her head. "That's why I was looking for you."

He pulled her closer and rested his head on her shoulder. His hands stroked her back comfortingly as the tears came and made her shiver all over. She clawed the fabric of his shirt with her hands until her fingers ached.

Temari knew how fragile and brittle life was. How infinitely unfair. Therefore she wanted to hold onto everything that was dear to her in the hope that her heart would not break anymore; not be patched together again so laboriously. The cracks would always be there, the holes never completely closed.

But she wasn't alone. She would never be again. She would fight for that till her least breath left her.

"What did you dream about?" Shikamaru finally asked after she had gradually calmed down. She leaned against his shoulder, her hand resting on his chest. He had an arm around her to warm her, to protect her, just to feel close to each other.

"About how you nearly died on the battlefield."

She noticed how he winced. Temari hadn't meant to remind him of this. He needed consolation much more urgently than she did. But he had asked and she would always answer him honestly. No matter what kind of wounds it opened.

"If it weren't for Naruto, I would probably have followed my father," he replied quietly.

"Did you want to die?"

In all these years they had never talked about it, Temari suddenly realized. They had carried their pain with them alone. Realizing how much each other suffered. No wonder the nightmares returned.

"No," he said firmly. "But it was damn troublesome not to."

Now she had to laugh. He joined in with her.

"I'm glad you weren't too lazy once."

"Me too."

They sat quietly for a while and looked at the sky. Some clouds passed by.

Wounded as their hearts were, they were beating as one. They couldn't change the past, but the future lay peacefully before them. Perhaps at some point the memories would no longer hurt.

But they had each other and that was all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for this one shot when I couldn't sleep back in spring, because of a nightmare and looked at the moon. And I have read Shikamaru Hiden shortly before, obviously. I now had the time to translate this oneshot in English. :)
> 
> I suddenly thought: "Whaf it Temari did see how Shikamaru almost died in the Fourth Shinobi War?"


End file.
